The Poignant Side of Positivity

The "Positive Thinking" craze has taken quite a leap in the past few decades. Books like “The Secret”, “Think and Grow Rich”, "The Greatest Salesman in the World",  "The One-minute millionaire", etc. continue to sell like hotcakes. These materials promise to help you “think” your way through to becoming whoever you want to be – a millionaire, the President or a business partner to Bill Gates. No big feat! All it will take is for you to read along and follow through whatever which book you choose tells you.

With everyone reading and raring to change their lives for the better, we could have hoped for a happier world. But sadly, our enthusiasm to apply positive thinking in our lives has become so overrated and grossly misconstrued. Too many taboos were born along with it. The “yes man” is the “in” thing. If you’re in a party, dance! If you can’t, learn to and love it. Just get into the groove whether you like it or not; or else, you run the risk of being labeled “kill joy” or a naysayer. Whatever happened to the old adage that “not everybody can dance”, which in this case, is literal? Now you get hushed for using the words can’t, won’t, no, hard or difficult. And worst, fanatics even stay away from people and places where they think “negative vibes” prevail.

The truth is positivity or positive thinking or optimism (call it what you like, as long as you know what I mean!) is a singular, personal experience. By all intent, it should make you a better, happier person; not by seeking a different world but by looking at the bright side from where you stand. It is who you are and loving it. If you feel it is stupid and senseless to bungee jump 200 meters deep, then don’t! Leave it to someone who will be happy to do it. If it will make you happier to stay home with your boring husband than party with friends, then go ahead, get bored! If you can’t dance and you feel silly doing it, give it up because it’s not for you! Well, unless you don’t mind looking like a sissy and you feel happy anyways. Somebody’s idea of fun is not necessarily yours so say no because you choose not to. It is really nobody’s choice but yours! Party + dance is not always = happy. 

And positivity is not meant to replace the admirable trait of empathizing
with someone, who momentarily feels low and needs to be heard out. It’s not supposed to keep you from wakes to sympathize with someone’s loss for fear that negative energy looms over the place. There are roles to play and that is why we have families and friends. When life does not treat you well, you can’t just go on to somebody you see on the street and tell him how your life sucks at the moment. These stories are for friends and families. But when friends and families cannot bail you out on times like these, and simply because they’re so scared of imbibing the “negative energy you are sending out”, then this is missing the whole point! More than anything else, positivity is always a story of triumph over hard times, bad luck, wrong company and every negative circumstance you can think of. It happens to everyone, no exceptions! But what fine luck that when fate finds you in an unfortunate situation, you are in the comfort of the company of kind and sympathetic people who will stand by you.

Then again, let’s qualify that. It is not fun at all to be with someone who is with a gloomy disposition, rarely smiles and whines all day about how things are. And yet, all he does is sit and wait for a coin to drop in his can! Nobody owes him anything; not a coin and certainly not your precious time. But when someone’s life is beat up, and he’s struggling to stay above ground, let’s allow him to say that, “Life is hard…”, or “Now is a difficult time…” - because for him it is! Sometimes, there’s not much we can do and even our opinions don’t count. Simply be the much needed “ear and shoulder” for the moment. Ask any psychotherapist and he’ll tell you that it helps and heals to be able to unburden your heart to someone when it’s pretty loaded with the hard stuff.

And if indeed, the distress rubs on you, “mai penrai!”, no problem! You just lightened somebody’s load and did him a favor. Like they say, people will probably forget what you did but not how you made them feel, especially at such a difficult time. Always remember that giving unselfishly of our time by sharing in someone’s anguish is a gracious, admirable trait.

Finally, we give credence to the good there is in finding time to be with friends and trying one’s best to oblige as far as possible, with the demands of the hour. But learning to say no!, when you choose not to, for whatever reason, is and will always be a good thing. Because in trying to be a "yes man", sooner or later, you will find that all you have become is a misfit. Striving to be better always starts with knowing, accepting and loving yourself first and being comfortable in your skin. It is in essence, the whole idea of positive thinking yet sadly, it is exactly what many of us lose in the process.